just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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