Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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