she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
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New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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