My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize