I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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