You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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