I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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