I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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