its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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