Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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