I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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