do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My life is pants optional.
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