I will die if light touches me.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
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12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
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I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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