What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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