I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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