Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
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She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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