They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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