idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
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What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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