to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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