Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
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The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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