mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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