HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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