I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Life is so much better after having sex.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize