I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
