its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
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How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
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facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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