11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize