Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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