Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Randomize