I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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