So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
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I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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