Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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