my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize