Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
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The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
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really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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