I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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