Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
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He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
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my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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