I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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