You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize