you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize