Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize