even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize