Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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