Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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