just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
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One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Come on in and take your pants off
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