Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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