Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
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i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
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I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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