last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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