wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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