Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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