thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
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she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
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I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize