I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize