I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
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I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
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My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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